The *Pink* Balloon Cliché

I've been thinking a lot about my growth as a photographer, about clichés, and all that. It has nothing to do with style, it's a matter of having the means and the ambition to take planning to the next level. I like creating narratives, so it's going to take a great deal more work-more planning-to do something more substantial with my camera.

I've been thinking a lot about graduate studies in photography. I won't be able to start an MFA program for a year-and-a-half, because I didn't apply on time, but that's okay, because location is actually the most important thing. I need a program within driving distance to the ocean. I've lived in this desert all my life, and it is time to move on. There's nothing left here for us.

Pentax K-1000, Kodak Portra 400 film.

Our White Christmas

We had a really good time at my mom's in Hondo, NM, over Christmas weekend. We got snowed-in, but it wasn't a bad thing. It was a little complicated trying to take Polaroids out in the cold, with the shading + warming thing, but I was able to get a few decent shots. Bee took a nice one of me, this time without much guidance. Yay. I hope you all had a good Christmas!

Polaroid SX70, Impossible PX100 UV+ Silver Shade test film.

Polaroid SX70, Impossible PX680 film with ND filter.

Aw man closed eyes, oh well.

Didn't warm the film fast enough..

By Bee.  Polaroid Spectra, Silver Shade film.

Summer in the City

Yesterday I took Bee to see the last installment of the Harry Potter movies, and was thinking about how exhilarated the series makes me feel. Putting it in words is a difficult thing, because the sensation is almost overwhelming, to the point of a blank. It's like being jettisoned to a place where everyone keeps their smiles twice as long.

Little things take me back to that feeling of being a kid, wild and free, things like sharing an ice cream cone with a loved one, splashing in puddles in the rain, but those moments are fleeting. With a feature film, you're in it for a few hours, at least, and with a series like Harry Potter, the feeling can permeate your soul even longer.

When I was a kid, there was a local amusement park here in El Paso called Western Playland.  We looked forward to going there all year long, as it was only open for the summer season.  It was the one place our parents would allow us to run wild and free.

In the last decade, they have relocated to a different, more expansive plot of desert land on the outskirts of town, but it's just not the same. It used to be in the heart of the city, in an area called Ascarate Park, and it was amazing!  It was cozy. The trees were old, but provided shade. The rides were close together, so at night the lights lit the place up like magic. The smells of popcorn and churros oxygenated the bloodstream, warding of bedtime until midnight, at least.

When I go around town, on my little photo-taking adventures, often times I am pulled towards this old area of town.  I started thinking about our 'Roid Week coming up about a month ago, and I was surprised to see a carnival going up in the same place our old Western Playland used to be.  I had my Polaroid  340 camera with me, loaded with Choco80 pack film-a very special, extinct film that I had been saving for a special occasion.

Since Bee had a broken arm at the time, we couldn't go to the carnival, but maybe now, if it's still there, we can make it.

Nostalgia, my family.

It is a strange thing, getting older. It's not so much that I'm sad about aging, but looking around, and noticing that everyone else is also morphing on the outside-it's kind-of like a slap in the face, a shocker, the sudden realization of what's been happening all along.

The image that stays with you is the one that held you tight when you were a kid. Is it just me? It's the time before high school, when your parents were everything, and they could do no wrong. Time passes too fast, whether cliche or not, and although I would never want to go back and relive the past, I wish I could see my parents again when they were young.  I always thought I had the prettiest mother, and most handsome father. I know I'm lucky to have these pictures.

My mama before me.  She is on the left, c. 1974.

I love this picture, even if she doesn't-those were the days ladies did not show off pregnant bellies. c. 1979.

Honestly, life does not get better than this.  Look how happy I was! c. 1980.

Dad, little brother, and me, c. 1980.

Little brother and Dad, c.1980.

Me and my dad in Hondo, NM, c.1977.

Last summer, slide film and my Vivitar slide printer.

     I sent five rolls of slide film off to get processed at Dwayne's Photo last week, and got some lovely surprises back in the mail this morning.  I was happy to pick some of the slides to print on this expired 669 Polaroid film via my Vivitar slide printer.  Both the slide film and the Polaroid 669 were expired, so it was interesting to see the faded colors that came out on these prints.

     I'm hoping that we will be able to return to North Carolina this summer for vacation.  It was the perfect getaway for us.  Life here in the southwest can be awfully dry.  I am definitely a beach girl, and it's always been my dream to live in a beach town.  Someday~!

Steven biking down Kure Beach, North Carolina's residential back streets.  I must have shot this while I was on my bike, too.  My favorite place in the world so far.

This is me at Fort Fisher Beach, happy. (shot by Steven)

Hammocks are the best.  You can see this image in it's original slide format on my Flickr: 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/infinite_volumes/5673654966/in/photostream

A Saturday without Bee.

I had a nice, quiet, neurotic Saturday without Bee. In other words, I did talk to myself a little bit. And made fun of myself in my head for doing it. I listened to Simon and Garfunkel, The Beatles, Regina Spektor, Bob Dylan, Jolie Holland, and Cat Power all day, in between watching 8 episodes of Weeds. I also photographed my roller derby gear to sell on Ebay.  I'm trying to get out of the habit of holding on to things I no longer use. So, this is all pretty random. That was how the day went...

Do I really want to get out of bed if I don't have to?  That's the real question.

Contemplation of the possibilities.  After setting up the tripod, of course, because documenting my thought process is extremely (not) interesting and totally just for the hell of it.

Handmade paper beads highly treasured and boho and fun to wear on my head when alone.

Overfilled Chemex.  I need plenty of coffee for my day all alone, for possible good intentions of high-productivity.

My self-insulated window PLUS neighbors too close for comfort.  Someday I will NOT live in neighborhoods like this-one house within 2 steps of the next...

This is one of my most treasured objects, and the inspiration for my back piece tattoo.  I slept with this under my pillow when I was a little kid.  My mom told me it would help ward off nightmares, which I had too many of.

The goblet is musical, it was a gift to my maternal grandparents on their 50th anniversary.  My grandmother gave it to me for Christmas.  My grandfather has been in Heaven for 6 years now.  The tiny photo is of my grandmother in 1958-ish.  My mom is in the background to her right, age 3.  The white box contains a tiny rosary given to Bee by her godmother as a gift at her baptism.  The quartz was given to me as a gift from my boyfriend's son a few years ago.  The Miss Dior Cherie was a birthday gift from my boyfriend.  

I had to put my knock-off Old Navy uggs to go get the mail.

Creamer bubbles are pretty.  The photobooth photos from Spring Break 2011-I told you, me and Bee are BFF's.  This makes it official. :)

WEEDS.  I have a girl-crush on Mary-Louise Parker.  Who doesn't?  

Risking my life eating the skin from non-organic cucumber...ha.  I only want to eat cucumbers with skin.  & organic varieties are not widely available around here.  Perhaps I will try growing my own...

I love salad, but why does it have to take so long to make?  Even if I prep the greens...I make a big mess.  I love grated ginger.

Hot coffee, iced coffee, all kinds of coffee all day.  My beat-up Moleskine with Polaroid transfer self-portrait.

I still need to INSPECT this shipment carefully.  I *almost* opened this package...but got distracted again.  I just know what's in it, and I'm not ready to use the paper inside yet.  It's Japanese fine art paper.
(The good stuff)

Riedell classic 265 Wicked Roller Derby quad skates.  Aren't they gorgeous? 

Gee, maybe I shouldn't sell all my derby gear...hmm. Well...actually I better. My knees are still mad at me. But, those girls are having plenty of fun out there.  Please support roller derby if there is a league in your vicinity. It's girl power at it's best.

Photo-walk down to my grandparent's apple orchard.

I shot these a few weeks ago over the holidays.  It's been nice to be able to get out of the city for awhile, and have a comfortable place to stay.  Now that my mom is living in Hondo, NM, (in the same house where she grew-up), we get to enjoy time out in the fresh air.  The renovations my mom has made to the old house my grandfather (Grampo!) built have made a big difference in the quality of rest and relaxation that is needed on our visits.  I have dreams about this little town often.  It is where I had many great adventures with my cousins.  Most of my best memories are from when I was about Bee's age.  I'm a little sad that she is not getting the same wonderful experience that I did, though.  There aren't any cousins her age that live in Hondo now, which was the case when I had my time.  Also, the land has changed quite a bit since then.  The apple trees are dead and dying down in the orchard, so it's not as lush.  Paths have shifted, and irrigation no longer flows through the same canals.  Still, it's blissfully quiet there.  If I close my eyes, I can almost hear the voices and sounds from the past.    

This mild winter suits us.  Must be due to ozone depletion, though.
That's been in the back of my mind as we leave the house with sweaters, not coats.

Very distant view of the sheep and the horse on the neighbor's property.

Hondo Valley, where my mom grew up, and where I spent many weekends and holidays.
The river is just beyond those trees.
Walking all the way there was considered a great adventure when I was a kid. 

Dried-up sunflower patch.

My uncle's horses.  The one on the right passed away this weekend.  He was old and sickly, poor thing.

Bee with her brand-new baby doll.

The view as we walked out of the orchard.  The path has shifted over the years.

Some rural decay laying against the old barn in lovely colors and textures.  I like it, whatever it is, or was.

This is not the best picture of the old barn, but I had never really explored the back of it.  This is a window of sorts that ventilated the chicken coop.

This is probably my favorite shot from the roll, BESIDES the ones of Bee, of course!  I like when all spaces are present-shallow, mid., and deep.  I wish I had stopped down a little more, though.

I thought I'd try to finish out the roll in this little room near the garage, but found nothing of interest in it.
There was a mirror, though, for a random self-portrait using my Pentax.
I look a little weird, but I was in the country, where everyone looks a little weird.  Kidding!
My mom says no one cares how we look there.  Funny, mom!