Let Freedom Ring

Self-portrait, Polaroid SX-70, PX70 Colorshade Push film.

I was a quiet little girl.  I hid behind my mom and dad in social situations, and didn’t like playing with the neighborhood kids.  When they came to the door, I asked my mom to tell them I wasn’t able to play outside that day, for reasons I can’t recall.  There were times when she would make me go, and now I understand why.  I feel terribly guilty these days when I don’t feel like doing kid stuff with Bee, and wish there was someone her age in the neighborhood that would come over and ask her to play.

The only thing I really liked to do was read.  If I was forced into an uncomfortable situation where I had to play with neighborhood kids, I preferred to climb trees or ride bikes.  I always felt better in nature, or reading library books.  Not much has changed since then. 

It surprises and interests me when people tell me they never would have been able to guess I was innately shy.  Maybe because once I reached high school, alcohol and drugs turned me from introverted to extroverted.  That, puberty, and recognizable bipolar symptoms changed my personality in strange ways for the next few decades.

To exist within a certain level of awareness, and to be able to decide your own path of recovery from this or that is a powerful thing.  Whatever the issue or malady may be, to continue living each day as it comes can be a struggle.  Self-medication is a risk, but lithium + antidepressant cocktail is, too.  Choices must be made in desperation, prodded by survival instincts, and the outlook is dire, dismal, and very expensive at the pharmacy.

I am waiting (rather impatiently, but I have managed to function alright regardless so far) for the day when I will be free to decide which pharmaceutical (s) can help me feel more at ease in my own skin-in a socially responsible, educated manner.  I am so tired of the hypocrisy, capitalist intervention, and self-serving politics involved.

It’s time for change!  Decriminalization is the answer.  Congress needs a way to put a dent in the deficit.  The threat of national bankruptcy should scare them straight!  Hopefully, it will scare them more than the drug cartels murdering thousands of people across the border, in Juarez, Mexico, just a half-an-hour away from where I live in El Paso, TX.

I have faith that the right thing will be done, possibly, hopefully in the next decade.  I am a very patriotic girl, always have been.  I love my country.  I’ll still be singing the Star-Spangled Banner on the 4^th of July, like the good American that I am, because I do have faith, and will continue to hope for true freedom.  

This was from a time long ago (last summer) when my little girl still loved a good old-fashioned PB&J.

Bee has gotten awfully tired of the affordable peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I pack for her.  I add carrot sticks with maple syrup for dipping, pretzels, or baked sweet potato chips in there sometimes.  Applesauce, pears and peaches are favorites, but it has all gotten boring, and she told me so recently.  She balked at my offers of making her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich this entire winter vacation.  She refused to eat even one, and pointed out that the different jams, jellies, and preserves don’t make much of a difference.  Cold pasta does not go down well.  I try my best to be creative, but the girl only likes a few things cold or lukewarm, and there is no way for her to heat things up.

I have begun to find the sweet little healthy lunches I so lovingly prepare barely touched in Bee’s lunchbox, and it makes me sad.  Okay, actually it really pisses me off, because I hate to throw good food away. 

Fresh whole oats with apples, cinnamon, and a little brown sugar.

In recent years, there has been a supposed movement to make cafeteria meals in public schools healthier, but I think it’s more of a façade than reality.  America is a country that excels in obesity and depression, and it's a direct result of our food industry (the USDA as well as the FDA) opting to care more about money than health.

It starts with our kids in public school cafeterias, where they are still serving some nasty representation of what they say is a healthy, well-balanced meal. 

Me and Bee are vegetarian.  It has been very difficult (time-wise and financially) to send her to school with a diverse, healthy lunch on a daily basis.  It would be great if Bee’s school offered vegetarian meals.  A warm lunch would be so nice!  Also, it would be awesome if an alternative to a dairy beverage could be offered.  The USDA is pumping our kids full of antibiotics with those little strawberry and chocolate milk boxes.  Dairy cows are incredibly distressed and tortured in the factory farms which are supplying our schools with milk.  None of this is a secret anymore, it’s common knowledge, so why hasn’t there been a significant change?

Partnered with the USDA, Michelle Obama has started a new campaign, but I’m not sure enough progress is being made there.  Apparently, compliance to USDA-set standards is up to individual schools, so it’s time to get active.  I’ve been meaning to go have a little talk with my daughter’s school principal anyway…the last time I had lunch with Bee, I noticed that the cafeteria was using Styrofoam lunch trays.  

A girl who works this hard needs quality fuel.