10/4/11

The permeable nature of motherhood.

I love being a mama most of the time.  When I feel I'm doing a good job at it, that is.  Other times I feel completely lost-like I've made all the wrong moves, said all the wrong things.  I really don't think there is anything in the world quite as complicated as a mother-daughter relationship.  

When it comes down to it-I let her go, and random things happen throughout her day.  She gets hurt feelings on the whim of a mean kid, what can I do about that?  Nothing, really.  I can only hope I've raised a girl with a strong backbone, and attempt to comfort with warm hugs, as I explain the masochistic nature of humanity.  

She makes decisions not only influenced by me, but by everything in her vicinity-television, school, her grandparents, books, the Internet.  Am I not supposed to be the most powerful force?  I feel overpowered so much of the time, and no matter the limits I set, like most things in life, metamorphosis makes sure I don't fall asleep at the wheel.  I don't really mind, but I sure could use a real nap, the kind where you wake up with drool on your cheek, under a blanket you didn't cover yourself with.

SX-70, PX70 Colorshade Impossible film

SX-70, PX70 Colorshade Impossible film

4 comments :

  1. I know what you mean. I'm a stay-at-home dad and I experience the same feelings and trepidations -- hang in there, you're doing great...

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  2. Thanks, Bob, it goes for fathers, too, absolutely. Thanks so much!

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  3. It is exactly what you mean. Motherhood is bittersweet and ambivalent but ultimately life-changing in a beautiful way.

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  4. Hello, Zary, thanks so much for your support and it's good to know I am understood. :)

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