|Polaroid SX-70, Silver Shade UV TIP film|
I'm really getting closer to figuring it all out...this is positive thinking. Underneath is the incessant fear, "What if I never end up where I want to be..." The buckets of "Make it Happen" mottos I acknowledge, the "Just Do It's" and all that, they keep me at an uncomfortable turning point. I have been at that very same point for last year, and it's just no good.
It sounds so simple when people say, "Just decide what it is that you want to do and do it. It's about commitment and sacrifice. But, I don't want a life full of sacrifice, at least not while Isabella needs me so much. Right now, I feel weakened by the sacrifice, instead of the opposite, which is what I hear is supposed to happen. "Sacrifice makes you stronger," it actually makes me want to cry.
My girl is going on 12, and she is my priority. I will go insane if she can't be my priority. I have very little free time to spend with her these days, and it was a valuable experiment, but it will not work in 2013. I must find another way.