In-flux

Polaroid Spectra SE, Impossible PZ 680 Colorshade film.

I had a strange dream last night. In the dream I had to flee a home where I was working for a friend, managing her business. The building (her shop) was about to be taken over by a dangerous, powerful, male-dominated faction and we had limited time to gather files and money, ect...

In the shop we had a giant computer and printer, something like what I imagined was like one of the very first computers, you know, it basically filled the entire room. Right before we left, I wrote a last message on this computer and sent it to the printer. A giant document came out, on a giant sheet of tracing paper, probably about 20 ft. wide, and just as long. The ink was rainbow. The last message came out scattered and illegible, and looked like it had been typed on an old typewriter.

The rest of the print-out was the story of my life up to that point, but it was all over the place and out of sequence. I rolled it up and tried to fold it so that I could take it with me. My boss/friend respected my feelings, and watched me struggle to make the document portable with a curious look on her face. It was dark outside. At that point I noticed that there was someone else fleeing with us, a male figure that I don't remember too well-but he seemed young, small, and mute.

Then I woke up.

Had a nice lunch today, shot some Spectra.

I've been so busy, I was thinking about taking a break here for the month of October, but if you sweet people can bear with just a few posts here and there, we should be just fine.  Steven and I went down to a really local, really hidden restaurant for lunch this afternoon, and being that I had my Spectra with me, well, the inevitable occurred, and I felt compelled.

I couldn't get myself to take a shot inside the place, I didn't really feel like there was a good moment, or a good shot.  Maybe next time, when I feel it out a little more, and take a better look around.  We did take a few shots outside near the parking lot, though, so I can feel satisfied that we at least have these memories.

PZ 600 Silver Shade UV+ Black Frame 
My shot of Steven, today. 

Steven's shot of me, today.

When I got home, I figured I would try the film in my room, where I have the worst light possible.  The film actually responds exceptionally well to low-light on a tripod, when using the self-timer.  I really shouldn't have adjusted the exposure here.  Next time I'll know better. 

I am getting this stripe on all my Spectra shots, and I'm not liking it at all.  I need to take a look at the rollers before I shoot another pack with it-that's what I'm thinking.

I am continuing work on my projects for school, and am doing alright, if only I could stay on track as much as I should, and not let my mind get the best of me.  

She tied the knot, +'Roid Week Day 2

Arsenicum album, snap, purr, repeat.

Echoes laced by “mama”-she tied the knot.

Opalesce droplets reflect their armor;

rivulets abandon their halite trace in angel hairs.

The dull throb of inertia, violet-red, orange-yellow, languid into blue.

Cloudless, still, grey-green, wading in the shallow.

Polaroid SX-70, PX70 Colorshade Push! Impossible film

Polaroid SX-70, PX680FF Impossible film

Let the games begin, +Roid Week day 1

I can take everything apart with just one word, one look, one lift of my finger.
My skin cools quickly, my physiology keeps me here.
The carousel goes up, down, pumping the joy of life into my blood.
The hinges are kept.
Amphitrite and her needles, her strings, her sticky hooks.
Fusible golden webs, intricate, soft, tiny cloaks across my eyelids, eyelashes, through my cheek.
It's a game she plays in Hypnagogia.
It's a game I've known since '77.

Polaroid SX-70, PX680FF Impossible film.

Polaroid SX-70, PX680FF Impossible film.

Recently, I saw The Hours (2002).  I was captivated.  I’m not going to bore you with a review here, though.  I have faith that at least a handful of capable critics out there have given the film the credit it deserves.  As I watched the special features included on the DVD, I was reminded of my intention to someday seriously research the psychology behind the creative female mind.  I'm sure you have taken similar note of the fascinating work of artists and writers who have experienced mental illness.  I am particularly interested in the effects of society pertaining to gender in the arts. 

The five women who I intend to research include Virginia Woolf, Diane Arbus, Anne Sexton, Sylvia Plath, and Francesca Woodman.  I realize that there has already been quite an extensive amount of research and writing that has been made available to us in numerous books.  Although these five gifts to contemporary art and literature committed suicide in morbidly poetic ways, I do not wish to further romanticize the tragedies.

I am most interested in finding the links between these women, and the similarities of their collective circumstance.  I have also asked myself if perhaps it could be possible that one influenced another.  For instance, I believe that it is entirely possible and quite likely that Woolf influenced Plath, to some extent.  I can’t say that I know anything for certain at this point, and my feelings are entirely hypothetical.  Formal research begins with intention, and will be carried out by desire and dedication.

I am at a point in my life where I feel the need to actually do the things I have always wanted to do.  I wonder if I am at my mid-life point, and if I am in crisis.  I feel time is moving faster with each passing day, and I don’t want to have any regrets when I make my own exit from this world.  I am interested in this project for both professional and personal reasons. 

Virginia Woolf (1882-1941)
-Walked into a river. 

Diane Arbus (1923-1971) 

-Slit her wrists in the bath.

Anne Sexton (1928-1974)

 -Enclosed herself in her car in the garage with the engine running.     

Sylvia Plath (1932-1963)
-Stuck her head into her oven.

Francesca Woodman (1958-1981)
-Jumped out of her apartment window.   

Making the first day of 2011 productive.

Considering all the projects I can do.

I have fixed myself a very nice space which functions as my studio in the dining room of my house.  There is great natural light coming in through the window, so my energy level stays up if I'm working during the daylight hours.

 An investment I will be making in January includes two good quality dress forms, one in my size, and one in my daughter's size.  My dream has always been to sew my own clothes.  I am especially interested in dresses.  I love dresses, but can never find any simple, stylish, comfortable, high quality, affordable ones anywhere.  I love vintage, but the thrift shops in this town are always thoroughly picked over, and I can never find anything good.  I love shops like Anthropologie, but I can't really afford prices like that at this point in my life, and I don't have the time or patience to browse Ebay, either.

I am also finally starting to quilt.  I love homemade quilts.  I love the weight, the texture, and softness of them.  I am using a combination of hand and machine techniques.  I'll post photos of my progress on my very first attempt at a full-size quilt in the coming weeks.  The whir of the sewing machine sure does great things for my mood!  I love fabric!  I love patterns, and colors, and I love notions, too!  I never thought Jo-ann's Fabrics would be my most favorite store on earth.  Needles, thread, embroidery hoops-it is all so romantic to me.

Another thing that is doing me good is starting to play the guitar with Bee.  I can't believe how much practicing relieves stress.  I wish I had started playing sooner, but it's never to late!  

Practicing guitar with Bee is a major priority in 2011.