In-flux

Polaroid Spectra SE, Impossible PZ 680 Colorshade film.

I had a strange dream last night. In the dream I had to flee a home where I was working for a friend, managing her business. The building (her shop) was about to be taken over by a dangerous, powerful, male-dominated faction and we had limited time to gather files and money, ect...

In the shop we had a giant computer and printer, something like what I imagined was like one of the very first computers, you know, it basically filled the entire room. Right before we left, I wrote a last message on this computer and sent it to the printer. A giant document came out, on a giant sheet of tracing paper, probably about 20 ft. wide, and just as long. The ink was rainbow. The last message came out scattered and illegible, and looked like it had been typed on an old typewriter.

The rest of the print-out was the story of my life up to that point, but it was all over the place and out of sequence. I rolled it up and tried to fold it so that I could take it with me. My boss/friend respected my feelings, and watched me struggle to make the document portable with a curious look on her face. It was dark outside. At that point I noticed that there was someone else fleeing with us, a male figure that I don't remember too well-but he seemed young, small, and mute.

Then I woke up.

Breakfast of Champions

I had my day off yesterday, and had a full list of things to do that went something like this:

1. Make coffee (& shoot a Polaroid)
2. Drink coffee, browse Internets
3. Straighten-up house, dust
4. 4 loads of laundry including sheets and towels
5. Grocery shopping
6. Shoot a Polaroid or 2
7. Pick up Bee from school
8. Steam work clothes
9. Make Dr. appointments for check-ups
10. Paint? Draw?
11. Make dinner
12. Exercise with Bee, or go get ice cream?
13. Paint? Draw?
14. Watch Dancing With the Stars with Bee
14. Resume Season 7 of Weeds
15. Crochet
16. Paint? Draw?

I used to read food labels religiously, but lately, have taken a more relaxed (lazy) approach to grocery shopping. This morning, I read the Cheerios label, and found that the second ingredient is sugar. Looks like I'm going back to reading labels, because sugar as the main ingredient in my kid's breakfast is sad and unacceptable. 
Spectra, Impossible PZ 680 Colorshade

I almost finished folding all the laundry. Never got around to painting or drawing. I almost started crocheting but I couldn't find the right hook. I took a 15 minute walk with Bee then went for ice cream. (Win!) I fell asleep watching Weeds. I think the 7th season (4 episodes in) is kind-of weak.

I'm going to figure out how to dedicate myself to creating art again. Drawing and painting need to be at the top of my list on my days off.

Bee shot my 340

Polaroid 340 with Polaroid 100 Giambarba Expired Sepia Film

Sun, Wind, & Complex Transitions

I knew for a fact that 2012 would be a year of major change for me and my family. I am trying to keep in mind that fear can be a positive catalyst, and I know I need to take the time to work through new choices and opportunities. Change really does-can-did happen overnight.

Impossible Project PX680 film with SX-70, no ND filter.

My dad is transferring to San Diego, California. He has been the one physically helping me with Bee for the last 4 years. My mom helps me, too, in every way, but she hasn't been living here in El Paso-she's been 3 hours away in New Mexico. I'm not proud to say I have been relying on my parents for help, but being a single mom without Bee's father, well, it's been a real blessing. I'm incredibly grateful. Thanks to my parents I was able to complete my BFA, which is something I am extremely proud of.

So, I have a decision to make. I have been in a (sometimes complicated) relationship with a man I love for the last 10 years, but he may not be able to provide me with the same kind of support with Bee that I would need. He has a revolving schedule, my current work schedule is mostly afternoons and evenings...you see my dilemma. 

I will definitely have to look for a day job wherever I am. It won't be easy here in El Paso-the job market here is slim to nil. I'm pretty sure I would have more success finding a day job in San Diego. So, I am asking myself if I am going to have to relocate and leave my relationship behind. We may not have a perfect thing going on, but Steven has been my partner and my best friend for the last 10 years.

My dad leaves in 3 weeks, and I have to say, although I will miss him, and even with all the extenuating circumstances, it still really feels like it's going to be a positive change. It feels like a giant open door for my entire family. My brother is already in San Diego, and my mom has been wanting to experience life somewhere beyond this desert southwest. I wonder where me and Bee are going to end up? I have the course of this summer to decide.

Impossible Project PX680 film with SX-70, no ND filter.