Bee shot my 340

Polaroid 340 with Polaroid 100 Giambarba Expired Sepia Film

Sun, Wind, & Complex Transitions

I knew for a fact that 2012 would be a year of major change for me and my family. I am trying to keep in mind that fear can be a positive catalyst, and I know I need to take the time to work through new choices and opportunities. Change really does-can-did happen overnight.

Impossible Project PX680 film with SX-70, no ND filter.

My dad is transferring to San Diego, California. He has been the one physically helping me with Bee for the last 4 years. My mom helps me, too, in every way, but she hasn't been living here in El Paso-she's been 3 hours away in New Mexico. I'm not proud to say I have been relying on my parents for help, but being a single mom without Bee's father, well, it's been a real blessing. I'm incredibly grateful. Thanks to my parents I was able to complete my BFA, which is something I am extremely proud of.

So, I have a decision to make. I have been in a (sometimes complicated) relationship with a man I love for the last 10 years, but he may not be able to provide me with the same kind of support with Bee that I would need. He has a revolving schedule, my current work schedule is mostly afternoons and evenings...you see my dilemma. 

I will definitely have to look for a day job wherever I am. It won't be easy here in El Paso-the job market here is slim to nil. I'm pretty sure I would have more success finding a day job in San Diego. So, I am asking myself if I am going to have to relocate and leave my relationship behind. We may not have a perfect thing going on, but Steven has been my partner and my best friend for the last 10 years.

My dad leaves in 3 weeks, and I have to say, although I will miss him, and even with all the extenuating circumstances, it still really feels like it's going to be a positive change. It feels like a giant open door for my entire family. My brother is already in San Diego, and my mom has been wanting to experience life somewhere beyond this desert southwest. I wonder where me and Bee are going to end up? I have the course of this summer to decide.

Impossible Project PX680 film with SX-70, no ND filter.

Days off with Bee.

I have been so busy with my new job, I haven't had much of a chance to shoot. I have my SX-70 and my 340 ready to go, loaded with film for my next day off. I have to make time for what makes me happy or I will sink.

Polaroid 100 Sepia Giambarba Expired

I ended up putting these SX-70 shots in my back pocket and throwing the jeans in the wash, and although the chemicals leaked and make a flaky mess, I was able to stop the dryer in time to save them.

PX70 Colorshade

PX70 Colorshade

Have a sweet weekend, my friends! 

Instant Mood

I am most inspired by photographers who are able to balance the melodrama of black and white film with another aspect of interest, such as grace, femininity, or emotional sensitivity. Some of my favorite imagery comes from Francesca Woodman, Diane Arbus, and the more contemporary (and living) Joel-Peter Witkin, whose work imparts incredible depth of mood and atmosphere with a dark psychological edge. 

George and Betty Woodman

Francesca Woodman: House #3, Providence, Rhode Island, 1976

There is something really special about The Impossible Project's Silver Shade films. Film noir and Alfred Hitchcock come to mind. I love how I can go out on a bright sunshiny spring day and get shots like these with instant film. Good times.

I didn't think this image was going to turn out-it was totally underexposed-
but after a week the contrast and tone surprised me.
No Photoshop lightening at all here. (Shot in bright sunlight.)

SX-70, PX100 Silver Shade film.

When I draw, paint, or work in any other medium besides photography, I am more attracted to color application, so it is really satisfying to see my style expressed in monochrome without much effort. I did some printmaking last fall in black and white, though. When I'm forced into it, it seems to turn out okay. I still need to photograph those prints...I will one of these days.  

In the Midst of all Things Unimportant

I'm afraid I may have some difficulty with the Impossible Project films in the heat of summer. Not sure what happened with all these, except it was a really warm out last Saturday. I suppose a cold clip could help in the heat.

I am getting really unhappy because I haven't been drawing, painting, sewing, or shooting. All I seem to have time to do is make dinner, wash dishes, do laundry, and clean. I fall asleep with the crochet hook in my hand in front of the TV-that's my life now. I don't think I am following my true path anymore. I feel very selfish. I feel a ton of pressure. I want to teach. I want to research and write. I have displaced myself. I want to inspire my daughter to go after her highest goals.

I'm in a rough spot. A part-time job & grad school sounds/feels right...I think I should get back on the right path and keep on.

by Bee

SPECTRA, Impossible PZ680 Color Shade film.