I am both happy and sad to say that I landed a day job last week. It's an office job, and although I think it's okay so far, I'm super-conflicted about having to put my mothering aside in this way. I know this is what I need to do, though. I don't have a choice. I know that it is important to teach Bee what it means to have to make rational compromises to earn a living in this world. I know that once we have a new routine down, things will flow better. For now, I am inching along and going through the motions.
We had our weekend. I shouldn't complain. We took a walk in the sun, which made me feel better. I promised myself to take at least 2 Impossible film shots of anything without over-thinking subject matter. If I continue to make art, I will be able to cope with this day job situation.
I understand perfectly. Tomorrow I start my new job in an office away from my baby of 18 months. And although I'm happy, I know I will make a huge failure, I hope to dispel and manage over time. As you think, that if I can´t continue to share fully with my family even a few hours a day, weekends, and if I can´t continue my blog and my other projects, in the end I will not be completely happy either. It is a big challenge and I hope, at heart, with all this power. A hug from me.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comment, Zary. This morning I especially feel I really need the support of friends and family. All the best to you and please keep in touch. xo
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